Celebrating life!

Why do I hate you so? What did you ever do but help? Most people wud agree your a great blessing.  Yet I feel only distaste  And I wonder why.  You've helped me too, Despite all my attempts to get rid off you.  But at 44 I think I'm finally accepting my reality, And you my spectacles.

 Nighty dearest, nighty dearest how wonderful art thou! You - the lifeline of every Mallu woman who lived in Kerala and abroad. From bright pink to pitch black there wasn’t a color you didn’t know and every woman cherished secretly the space and freedom with you away from the male roving, prying eye. With enough space to house an elephant too while covering her neck to toe, you would be accompanied by an old, worn, clean, whitish thorthu to hide even the smallest of flaws. But alas! By 2024, you seem to be facing the brink of extinction as globalization brought in replacements: pyjama suits, sleep lingerie, bathrobes and what not. As with everything else – you seem to be phasing out yet with a hint of nostalgia let me tell you Nighty, you will always be mighty!!!

Leaky faucet nose exploding bomb cough temporarily blocked ears endless Meenachil eyes blistering barnacle headache facial bones that torture melcow to the world of allergies.

O Prodip! Dear Prodip, how do I live without you. Without you  life is meaningless. There is no life in me. When I see your blue blue I think of how You have made my life different. You brought me happiness, peace unhindered and calm. My life has changed since you entered it. Woe is the day u leave me. I will b nothing without you. In your hands are my heart. May we never be apart.

(Sung to the tune of "I'm a Barbie Girl") I'm a hairy girl in a hairless world out of sync here it's fantasmic. Who will touch my hair or pull it anyway hairless nation what a creation!

Glossy roads from heavy rains Car lights that poke you in the eye Men that cross the road for you to hit them Tottering drunkards all Hamlet- like Wannabe drunkards who park in d middle of the lane  Bikes overtaking u from both sides Buses that insist they scrape u as a gift Potholes that appear from  nowhere - to cross or not to cross so they can grab th eir night bottles Cars that decide to rush before you  as soon as you try to get on the main road What wonderful Indian roads!

Getting completely drenched even with your best rain gear on Men who wear their lungis like a mini skirt (though they will have a major issue if women wore similar skirts) Puddles that make your car jump sky-high Getting poked in the eye by someone’s umbrella Impossible-to-see-through car windows despite being glass Streams and pond where there were none before Suffocating hot buses on account of all the shutters down Dangerously high levels of body odor in above mentioned situation (make sure to have a gag bag) Slipping & falling at least once especially in a muddy area Finding your foot caked in mud after u step into an innocent puddle Reaching home and finding everything in your bag soaked Someone will definitely share his/her fully-wet condition with you, physically Spend entire days feeling unconnected because you have no electricity Find your way blocked by all kinds of fallen plants   and sometimes cars too Invisible mosquit...

cats on the rooftop cats in my chair cats asleep on the table n above the microwave. cats at my feet in bed cats atop the ol' tv cats amidst the oranges n peeing in the sink. cats lying near the sleeping dog n in dad's favourite armchair cats fast asleep in my lap n on the laundry pile. cats climbing the banana tree n fighting with an overgrown puppy cats watching mum cook n dad locking the gates. cats hiding in Rafeeq's auto n winding their way across windows cats trying to roll a stone n hoping to catch the chick. cats watching the washing machine n people going to work in the morning cats trying to steal fish n eating biscuits n chips. cats begging for a jug of milk n cats hanging from mum's apron cats asleep on my computer n hiding in a brown paper bag. cats on my left cats on my right woe is me! cats in my dreams as well.

I am convinced of it! Right after what happened yesterday. Yes I'm absolutely sure. India's and probably even the world's worst bus conductors are right here in the Land of Letters aka Kottayam. Why, you ask me, am I so convinced? Sample the following: 1. The conductor of a certain bus insists on brushing against me till I finally learn evasion. He loses interest of course once I get my thali. 2. Another conductor found out that I could speak English well and would use it remarks against us several times my friends and I got on that bus. (This guy also went to jail later for running down someone). 3. When the conductor of the bus I got on yesterday found out I had no change for my ticket he asked me to get off the bus! Hail Kottayam bus conductors! P.S: There are also some nice ones here. So I won't say all of them are bad.

Come to Citiphones one and all Experiences galore in every call The costume party's on this Friday provided no nagging customers all day. You''ll hear of a customer who called in to say "I thought my accounts were closed today" because he saw on his statement received 'Closing balance' - what a weed! There'll be customers calling you on April 4 "My card hasn't reached, please tell me more." Then they'll realize in the blink of an eye the card says '04/04' - my o my! There'll be Italians, Spaniards, French, Japanese, but you'll soon learn to grapple with ease. Whining old ladies, snappy gentlemen, watch agents' faces slowly sadden. Marked improvement in performance they say - on the flip side there's a cut in pay. Newcomers on the floor we have seen, adieu to old buddies, on it we're not keen. Someday in Chennai Citiphones may be gone but till then - Come to Citiphones one and all Ex...

Why do Malayalees end up with such crazy names? Sample some typical ones: Biju, Baiju, Jino, Chintu. Where on earth do they get these names from? While men end up with Siju, Binu, Mejo and Jithu; for the girls its Seena, Liji, Dainy and Litty. I can understand if you think you're little one’s a Prince and name him so (I have several such friends in eminent positions). But if so where are all the Princesses???? We’ve had sensible names before – George, Mary, Lakshmi, Krishna, Fatima, Sayed. There’s a long list to choose from. But no. We insist on naming them Laiju, Raijo, Bini, Chinju and Sinsy. It leaves you wondering whether you’re going to deal with a man or a woman though quite sure the person is from Kerala. But I suppose it is that undefeatable spirit after all, countering the unpronounceable Shlovskis and Teacharlmiskas of the world that created Sr. Lousy and the brothers Kissme and Loveme.

I have a neighbor Aptly nicknamed Nosey For he tells hubby “Drive your car to work not your scooter” and me – “had any more flash flood in the flat when you went out and left the washing machine on?” But I wonder, what would happen if he nosed too far and got his nose stuck in a big-deep-blue bucket full to the brim of untainted evil.

Yup, that’s what I want to write about today. But I’m not referring to my ideal guy. I’m talking about an actual male that I know quite well. And yes he is the perfect husband and I think his wife is the luckiest woman on earth. Let me tell you a little about this fella’. He is an absolute charm, so much that I think about him almost everyday since I usually meet him in the mornings. Now don’t get me wrong here – I’m not in love with him. But I still think he is too good to be true. Let me explain why I think he is so esteemed in mine and mom’s eyes. He is first and foremost a perfect gentleman. He lets his wife have her way, most often. Being a gentleman, he always allows her to have the first and best of everything, ladies first being his policy. The other perfect thing about this guy is the way he cares so much about his lady love. Sigh! He completely adores her and thinks the world of her. He doesn’t even want her a second out of his sight- that’s how much he adores her. If s...

This is the hilarious speech from "3 Idiots." In the movie Aamir Khan replaces the word Chamatkart with Balaatkar in Chatur's speech for teacher's day leading to uproarous laughter and some red faces. Read on... Adarniya sabhapati mahodaya, atithi vishesh shikshan mantri shri R D tripati ji, maanyaniya shikshagan aur mere piyaaare sahpatiyo Aaj agar I.C.E aasmaan ki bulaaandiyo ko chhu raahaa hai to uska shreya sirrf ekinsaan ko jaataahai - Shri Veeru Sahastrabuddhe Give him a big hand. He is a great guy really. Peechle buttis saal se inhone nirantar is college mein balatkar pe balatkar kiye. Umeed hai aagey bee karte rahege. Hamein to aashcharya hota hai ki ek insaan apne jeevan kaal mein itni balatkar kaisi kar sakta hai. Inhone kadi tapaasya se apne aapko is kaabil bunaya hai. Waqt ka sahi upyog ghante ka purna istemaal koi inse seeke. Seeke inse seeke. Aaj hum sab chaatra yaha hai, kal desh videsh mein fail jayenge. Waadaa hai aapse jis desh mein honge waha bal...

(A satire based on Edward Lear's poem "Father William") "You are old, Aunty Mary," the young lady said, "And your hair has been dyed very black; Yet you watch every serial till it's time for bed- Do you think at your age it is right?" "In my youth," Aunty Mary replied to her niece, "I thought it might help the brain; But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again & again." "You are old," said the niece, "as I mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you lithely carried 10 bags of clothes from the shops- Pray, what is the reason for that?" "In my youth," she said with her perfect-white false teeth, "I kept all my limbs very supple By beating my husband daily with the broom. We certainly were an outstanding couple!" "You are old," said the niece, "and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than soup, Yet you finished the chicken, ...

I do not know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere around territory of modern Tibet approximately on 850.Your profession was seaman, cook, carpenter. Your brief psychological profile in that past life:Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. Magician abilities, could be a servant of dark forces. Lesson, that your last past life brought to present:The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your problem -- to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.

English can be funny, PLEASE ENJOY THE FOLLOWING Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a London Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an London office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a London secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in London health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a London conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS On a repair ...

What has a lecturer in English in an obscure corner of the world, have to do with Shaw you would wonder – besides the fact that she just might be lecturing on him (and as my students know I don’t do that either). How did this obscure teacher find herself connected to one of the greatest playwrights of all time? Patience, my friends, is the greatest virtue and I ask you, reader, to practice it, as we go about this arduous task of determining this historical link between Shaw and I – a link I hope and pray will ensure my greatness among the coming generations. First and foremost I would like to congratulate my parents for ensuring I was born on Shaw’s birthday with much proximity in terms of the year as well, thus entitling me to my fame to claim and vice versa. It is my proud honour to explain to u friends, that the great Shaw was born on the day I made history (at least in my personal world) – 26 of July. What difference do a few decades make? It is irrelevant that he was born in 1886 ...

How do you usually react when an old friend comes visiting unexpectedly? Do you feel out of this world? Ecstatic? Overjoyed? Out of words or breathe? And what do you do next? Welcome your friend with open arms? Maybe a hug? Sometimes with blasphemous words for having disappeared for so long, but definitely joyously? And then what next? Do you sit and have verbal exchanges over what you’ve done with your lives? Talk about old times and mutual friends, and enjoy the nostalgia? Swap pictures of families and that drooling baby or b.f. whichever it may be? Maybe a cup of coffee or dinner? And finally? You part ways again? Promising to keep in touch, whether it happens or not? You might agree with at least some of these responses. But let me tell you, none of this is what I did when an old friend came visiting me. We had parted ways for sometime, especially after I left for Chennai and been so out of sync that neither knew what happened to the other. And then all of a sudden he turns up at m...