NICEF

Tuesday 16 September, 2008

I know a saint

Today’s blog entry is about a woman I never got a chance to meet. I wish I had been able to meet her more than anything coz’ whenever I go through a difficult period (like right now) I realize that if she had been by my side, things would have been so much easier. Don’t think too far – I’m just thinking about my grandma, my mom’s mom, the woman who died before I had a chance to be born.


My grandma was a very special person. In our times we would have called her a genius, but in her times women were never allowed to study nor do anything progressive. Mom tells me how my grandma received an award from no less than the king of Travancore for excelling in academics. This would be like receiving an award from the president of India, and how often does that happen? But she was forced into marriage with grandpa in her 12th year I believe.

Life with my grandpa was tough coz’ he had had a terrible childhood. And no he wasn’t educated. But grandma was a saint and pulled through. She even got my uncouth grandpa to turn over a new leaf.

My grandma was not only capable of achieving wonders. She was one of the kindest people around. Mom often tells me how while going to church if a beggar on the way asked her for clothes she would take off the ‘kowni’ she was wearing (a dupatta like thing that women used to wear then) and hand it over. Grandma never owned more than 1 sari coz’ every time she got a new one she would hand over the old one to some poor person who came along. Looking at my cupboard stacked to overflowing with clothes I wonder how selfish I can be.

Another thing that grandma used to do was read a lot. In the days of kerosene lamps she would spend the little time she got for herself reading. But the poor lighting had its effects and she ended up with poor eyesight quite early. Eventually people like my mom would have to sit and read to her. I guess her love of reading is one thing that has been passed on to me and my elder brother coz’ we seemed to have raked up quite a collection, so much that there’s no place left to store them now at both our homes!

My grandma was a real beauty queen too. Even when she died in her 63rd year, she had thick hair right up to her knees. And in her younger days, I’m sure if the boys today had seen her, they would have let out quite a few wolf whistles. She was a damn hot babe then! If she hadn’t been so pious, she would have easily landed in trouble.

That’s another thing about grandma. She was one heck of a believer in god. All the reading that I told you she did? Well she read only books on the lives of saints. She read them countless times. No wonder she was so saintly!

And the amount of good advice she passed on to her children was immeasurable. My mom still quotes her once in a while when telling off me or my brothers. But it is quite sensible though. And grandma never screamed or raved. She would put it across quite gently. Never a harsh word would you hear from her. She always told mom that words once dropped from the mouth can never be picked up again, so they should be used very carefully (this is a literal translation).

Every time I hear Mariah Carey’s song “Bye Bye” I realize what a loss it has been that I could never even see my grandma even once. A grandma like her is like Halley’s Comet – they appear only once in a century. Mom was lucky to have had her. Even though I see grandma in mom, I wish she was still around coz there are things only a grandma can do and knowing that she existed makes it harder for me coz she would have been the perfect person to have around especially in my growing years. I wish I could meet her just once so I would know what a saint is like, coz I know she really is up there with the saints. I miss you grandma.

Wednesday 10 September, 2008

Full Throttle

Intense.

A word that has figured so prominently in my life. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I wanna do it again. It all began with my discovery of the extent of god’s presence in my life, or more precisely with Swapna Chechy’s album Intense. I discovered how intense a presence god can be in your life. Then I heard about living life with all it’s intensity. So that’s what I tried to do, to see if ‘maza aayega.’ Later down the line I realized I had myself in turn become an intense person. And I’m not talking about my habit of philosophizing. I realized after several heartbreaks, that I was one of these people who loved and lived most intensely, so much that some people couldn’t handle it. At least a lot of men couldn’t. I then began to ask myself – am I wrong in doing this?

Then I began teaching. And you guessed it – I taught with intensity (am on my Onam break now if you’re wondering about the past tense). And that’s when I realized a lot of things.

Some people call this intensity passion. When I began teaching I realized that this passion was infectious. My students could understand it and give it back to me to (they still do). I realized that maybe, being an intense person isn’t so bad after all. When I look at the rewards that just one year of teaching have brought into my life, I can’t help thinking – maybe it’s good to be intense after all. How else can you explain the fact that on teacher’s day I got a card from my students stating that they were nuts about me?

Despite the many rejections and heartbreaks I’ve faced, I realize that living life intensely might make all the difference. Maybe that’s what it also means to live life KINGSIZE!

Tuesday 9 September, 2008

Why Warrior Princess...




Some of you may wonder why I chose the orkut id warrior princess. What connection has this obscure teacher got to do with such a fabulous title? You have heard of warriors, of princesses and even warrior princesses. What have I to do with this? Very simple and yet very complicated. I chose to name myself so coz’ I identify with the concept of a warrior princess. A warrior is someone who is destined to fight, maybe even the whole world. A warrior is a person who has to show courage in the face of fear. A warrior must be able to stand strong and face all challenges whatever the physical or mental condition. Warriors fight for what they believe in. Warriors must continue with their task undaunted, despite the odds. A true warrior will fight to the very end. It is for all these reasons I consider myself warrior. And now how do fight? With life itself, for I have found I very often have to fight tooth and nail, in my own quiet way of course, to get through something, and at the end, people realize that yes, Tina was right all along. If only they had listened earlier!

And princess? Me? Well in my own rights I am, considering I am the only girl child in the Mullasseril clan. That makes me the family princess. I am a princess not because I hold an exalted position, one that I have never had, but because a princess must hold her calm in a storm and must appear to be all ease and grace despite the terror within her. Nobody I know has been able to identify when I sink into depression. I have maintained the calm. Most people don’t realize I was a shy, withdrawn child. A princess never brings forth the past. A true princess stands up to face danger and protect her people. She is willing to be the sacrificial goat to save her land and her people. I have lost track of the countless times I have become the scapegoat for someone else.

A warrior princess, despite setbacks, continue to move forth on her steed, ready to face dangers, ready to fight the world if she has to, and ready to face the final confrontation with death. I am a warrior princess in my own right, whatever you say or don’t.